I have to leave my sibling with dementia – How do I do this and get beyond the guilt?
My older brother, 62 has some form of dementia. He is in firm denial of that. Says he has a head injury although there is none. He is alone. He has never been capable of a long term relationship because he is a borderline narcissist. It is ALWAYS about him. I have been taking care of bills, appointments, being his listening post (he calls me 2 to 10 times a day) and logistical stuff etc. for the past 5 years. I have never taken a penny from him. I have done it because I felt I needed to as no one else would. My other brother lives in another country, has married a very young woman there and fathered children and is also a narcissist (I pray I am not one as it does seem to be a trait!). Job changes and Covid have made it so our finances need a boost. My husband and I will be doing a job that requires us to be out of the state about 80% of the time. I am having terrible guilt issues about leaving. It is bad enough that I won't be able to visit my children and grandchildren as often as I do now. I will not ask them to help. He is NOT their problem and frankly he is not nice and very, very difficult to spend time with. I never leave him without feeling exhausted and headachy. I have asked him about hiring someone to come in a couple of times per week, but he refuses. He is still capable of doing most things around the house, but I do not think he can handle appointments, he probably shouldn't be driving and I know he will get depressed. How do I force him to get the care he needs? I am afraid my anxiety from all of this will kill me or lead me down the same path. It is terrifying. When do my duties stop as a sister? How do I get out from under this? How is he my problem? If he had been a better person he most likely would have someone in his life to care for him now (who I would support whole heartedly!). How do you get beyond the guilt of leaving?
Give Senior Helpers of Tempe a call to discuss our Senior Gems Training and how we can provide care, comfort, and peace of mind for everyone involved when someone is dealing with Dementia. 480-745-2493