What do You Say to a Family Member Who Doesn't Agree With Your Care of a Loved One? They See Them Twice a Year for Maybe 5 Days Total.
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What do You Say to a Family Member Who Doesn't Agree With Your Care of a Loved One? They See Them Twice a Year for Maybe 5 Days Total.

Question:
My husband had a hemorrhagic stroke 9 yrs. ago.. He was very mobile at first but now has become completely deaf (he got a cochlear implant) but his balance is terrible. Stumbles and falls frequently and will only use a cane. He has several conditions with his eyes...some days he sees well others not so much. He is starting to have some short term memory moments. He also has kidney disease as a result of his kidneys shutting down immediately after his stroke.

We recently had a family get together. We brought our boat on a trailer behind our truck to the lake. I spoke with my husband before we went about maybe letting me drive since it tires him out so much and he agreed with no arguments. So the day we were about to head home I made the comment to my daughter that I hoped he would be ok with me driving home... My husband and I had not discussed it. But our 22-yr-old grandson heard me and screamed and me That I should let him drive his own damn freaking truck. I told him he had no idea what he was talking about & then his Mother (our daughter) jumped in the mix... I told them they don't live with us & really don't have a clue how we mange his care.

My husband and I have gotten into a good place about his driving... He usually asks me to drive when we go anywhere together. And he drives short distances to Walmart, Lowes, grocery, dry cleaners which are all within 1.5 miles of our house.

Apparently they have decided that I am the mean old woman and have forbidden him to drive... which I have never said or done... He has restricted his own driving, which was a huge blessing that I didn't have to bring up that topic. Which makes me know that he realizes his limitations and we have settled into a rhythm on the driving... for now. And now the whole blow up is my fault... Very disheartening when you are doing your very best and every waking moment is making sure all our ducks are in a row and to have someone lash out this way...
Thanks for letting me vent and any suggestions will be welcome. Thanks so much.
- Over Burdened Caregiver

Answer:
At Senior Helpers of Tempe we pride ourselves in communicating with our clients, caregivers, family, and friends. Usually discussions about care, mobility, driving etc. often come out better from a non-partisan third-party, like our office or caregivers. We can communicate with out of state family and other relatives involved, or not involved, in decisions. Out Family Portal houses all notes, tasks, care plan and schedule. While something dramatic often leads to having the keys taken away it doesn’t have to be that way. Always better to be safe rather than sorry. Transportation is a big part of what Senior Helpers does.
Senior Helpers of Tempe and Ahwatukee