Guide to the First Holiday Season With One Surviving Parent
What were once anticipated holiday traditions like warming up with a bowl of chowder at the Winter Lights Festival in Ithaca or listening to carolers at Elmira's Wisner Park may have become painful memories after the death of a parent. There's no easy way to navigate grief, particularly during a season so steeped in custom and familial bonding. One way to survive the holiday blues with one surviving parent is to unwrap the rituals that elicit the fondest memories and embrace new traditions.
It's Okay to Feel Grief
The typical joyfulness associated with the holiday season can become the time of year that creates the most conflicted feelings. One person may be overwhelmed by grief, and every image, cup of chocolate, or outing only amplifies the sense of loss. Others could suffer from guilt feelings because they've actually smiled and enjoyed some of the festivities without their loved ones.
The fact is, there's no right way, specific moment, or time limit parameters to feel loss and grief. Some of the following coping skills may help acknowledge and accept that grief is a personal journey. Developing a few go-to skills can help cope with moments that hit unexpectedly or as the result of a specific trigger.
- Journaling
- Deep breathing
- Taking a walk
- Practicing yoga
- Saying positive affirmations
- Listening to music
Recapture the Spirit of Favorite Holiday Memories While Creating New Traditions
Whether it's ugly sweater contests, Christmas crooners, or mulled wine that tips the fondest memory scale, each cherished moment is a reason to keep it close, savoring its uniqueness. It can also serve as a foundation on which to build new holiday traditions. However, getting through the first holiday season with a surviving parent may be more about survival than establishing new traditions.
Communicate With the Surviving Parent
It may be easier to cope with the loss by communicating with the surviving parent. It's an opportunity to discover each other's honest feelings and develop a plan to create a new tradition that works for the moment or serves as an anchor for future holidays. Some rituals that honor the parent who's died might include:
- Creating their favorite dish or dessert
- Visiting the gravesite
- Lighting a candle
- Sharing a favorite story
- Toasting in their honor
Change the Scenery
Putting up the same decorations and preparing favorite dishes and treats could be too much for a delicate emotional state, particularly if the loss is very recent. One way to get through the celebratory expectation is to change the scenery. That may be as simple as taking a day trip, booking a night at a local hotel, or planning an out-of-town vacation. Choosing a different atmosphere helps to readjust the focus. It also provides an opportunity to communicate with others who are outside the sphere of loss.
Give to Others
Helping others can be a great way to honor a parent's charitable nature. Participating in projects and events that bring joy to others and help improve their quality of life also helps alleviate one's own personal pain. Volunteer to collect food, coats, and toys for others throughout the season, or serve a meal on a particularly difficult day.
About Senior Helpers of Elmira-Ithaca
Senior Helpers of Elmira-Ithaca is dedicated to providing individuals over the age of 65 in Elmira, Ithaca, and Corning professional caregiver services that help improve their quality of life. We specialize in Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and dementia care; however, our in-home care services aren't limited to these conditions. Contact Senior Helpers now to learn more about our care plans, customized to meet individual needs.